Q-Tips

I was bored, m'kay?

Genre: humor


How far can you push a Q-Tip into your ear until it causes permaneant brain damage?

Although this is a question we will never know the answer to, that is only because we are not that stupid to do it ourselves. However, there are some that surpass this stupidity immensely, and thoufore are considered, obviously, very stupid.

Jill Stu is a very good example of this.

Let us start at the beginning.

Jill Stu was very, very bored. Her mom worked as a doctor. Surprisingly, Jill was very talented in her academics-sadly, she was not so talented in the common sense area.

She was about to have an injection, and as you know, 12-year-olds don't like injections, because they don't like pain. So she sat in the clinic waiting area, reading a pamphlet about ear cleaning.

Would it hurt if you put the needle inside an injection into the earwax of your ear? She thought. However, although she is considered quite stupid, she is not that stupid, which means she still has an ounce of dignity within her. So, she mentally notes, she shall do this to her brother later on when her mother is not looking.

It was her turn, and an old man resembling either a cherry or a tomato calls her. We people call these people, "terries".

"Hello Jill." This man says.

"Hey...Terry!" She says, but gasping and immiediantly apologizing. "OMG, I am so-" Because children, like pain, don't like trouble.

"Hehe, glad to see you looked!" This terry man said, pointing to his nametag: Terry.

"Now, Jilly deary, I want you to hold your arm out straight so I can inject you."

Danger zone. She had to think of a way to stall.

"Um, well, did you, um, know that spiders get drunk on coffee??" She blurts out randomly.

"Terry" stops immiediantly. "Sp-spi-spi-der?!?!?!" He stutters.

Obviously, this was not a good thing to say, for Terry started to turn very, very red, and started to burst into uncontrollable tears. However, after a total or 30 seconds (which is pretty much forever in crying time in a hospital, if you are the dude injecting and not the injectee)he dignified himself.

Pointing a fat, stubby terry finger at poor, poor, Jill, he said, "Never speak of spiders e-ever again! Or else!"

As you know, Jill is quite stupid. "Or else what?"

This made "Terry" snap, and he howled for no reason whatsoever, pounded his chest with his fist, and ran out of the office clinic without another word.

After about 10 minutes Jill's all-natural child A.D.D. kicked in, and she started to get the paper bedsheets things and wrapped herself up like a mummy and stayed still and silent.

As you know, "still and silent" is quite a remarkable feat for a child to do, and she failed miserably.

She did not want to go outside and report to the office clinic, because she did not want another psychotic arachnaphobic attempting to inject her, or whatever.

Because of this, she grabbed a many dozen Q-Tips and started to count them silently, before finally boring herself and wondering where the heck was everyone; had they not just seen a very large Terry scream out of the room like a maniac?

She did not want to go, nor did she want to stay. Her mum was looking for her, but if she came out, she would be in deep shiz.

So she sat there, with her many dozen Q-Tips. It sounded very much like a party out there, and she had a large urge to go out there and party like hardy boy on crack.

She got out the bedsheet paper thing, wetted a Q-Tip, and started to draw a picture of two stick figures-stick figure Jill with a sniper rifle shooting large Terry stick figure, who was backign away from a monstrous spider and could not decide which was worse-Jill or the spider. Had he not just injected her and gotten over it she could have been out in no time. She called the picture, "A Arachnophobic Doctor's deepest Choices".

The noise was becoming unbearable and she soon decided that if she ever decided to come out there would be parents screaming at her and clinical offices staring at her, so she decided that, even though it was only 3:00, and she barely arrived at 2:30, 30 minutes were quite unacceptable, she should try and sleep.

This was quite a stupid move. But hadn't all her actions leaned hypocritical and quite stupid. This is why she is Jill Stu...pid.

How far would a Q-Tip have to go before it would cause permaneant brain damage? She thought.

This lead to the following mishaps.

Grabbing a Q-Tip, she stuck one deep inside her ear, her eye twitching.

Her eyes averted to a yellow sponge next to the sink as she pushed it ever so slowly, deeper.

It soon reached the point that she was coughing, and she covered her mouth to not release any sound.

Was that Spongebob sitting on the sink?

'If your sponge is wearing pants, you've probably gone crazy', nick toons network said in her mind.

She was at the point of sticking the Q-Tip almost halfway in when "Terry" rushed back inside the room.

"Sorry, Jilly, had to squeeze the lemon for a while there, hehe, scared me there, you know, with the spider. Me son has one, you know. Just found one, yesterday. My wife studies and breeds spiders too, y'know. Funny, though, she never mentioned the coffee intoxiation thing, turns out I'm a real bug lover, and my son-Johnny-was experiencing at my office-bring your child to work day today-he's six-and was putting his 2 most favorite spiders, Jeff and John, in our office liquids, he dipped Jeff in some rubbing alcohol-he's definetely dead-"

Terry took a deep breat,

"John was in the coffee, he was dead too, I know Johnly learned his lesson, but I was sure out of pur love to tellhim wha you just said."

He smiled at Jill. Jill glared at him, and could not find the right words to tell him how stupid that was. I mean, seriously? That's kinda weak.

So, out of loss of pure words, she shoved her Q-Tips uphis nose, grabbed her picture, and stormed out.

When she was coming home, she was defnitely hangng up "An Arachnophobic Doctor's Deepest Choices" up in her bedroom.