Confessions of an Innocent Bystander Part 2

...ok. I get it. I'm not pretty. I thought I could still be not pretty but still look feminine. But I guess I was wrong, God knows why, though.

Unfortunately I'm not God.

You know, it's funny how having Cat who is actually a dog as your only friend. It makes someone who is not really your best friend but just your friend become your best friend unwillingly.

OK, so me and Carrie were at her uber mansion house in her room. I was seriously all like, "OMG" because her room was huge. Instead of painted walls there were little postcard things of people's confessions, saying things like, "I wish he would just love me more" or "Sometimes I wish I said yes." or whatever. Anyways, her room is kind of depressing, in a colorful-ish way.

I was sitting in her bed, which is this futon thing. So I guess skinny people get to have skinny beds, too. How little I know of this world.

Her futon bed is really colorful also, but Carrie says she spills ketchup over it everyday and puts her human anatomy mannequin on it, and then sprays Febreze all over it. Which kind of beats the point, but she says she wants to be a detective when she grows up and that she's practicing. (she's trying to commit a fake murder, but shouldn't she be solving it and not committing it, anyways?)

We were getting ready for the Angry Girl Band thing, which started in like three hours from now. I dunno why, but Carrie started us as soon as we were let out of school, and so far she has died her hair black, put on this mascara and lipstick, and chose this really cute chic outfit to wear.

"Popina..." She said to me, pouting. I'm not an expert, so I was pretty much planning to wear my school clothes. I was wearing this bright yellow tee and this purple pleated skirt and torn sneakers. I thought I looked sort of nice, in a trashy sort of way.

"Yeah?" I mumbled, looking at this big postcard close to her futon bed that said,

"I CHEATED MY WAY THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL."

And it showed this creepy picture of this messed-up looking girl with red blood on her white shirt saying, "YOU DID THIS."

...ok?

"You know, Jonesy Andrews will be there. He's the guy I was dating before Ava messed us up."

I nodded, looking at another postcard hanging from the ceiling, saying,

"I'm glad I grew up being told that Santa wasn't real. That way every year I get my presents I know that they were given to me to people who know whether I had been good or bad this year and loved me either way."

...well. I never thought of it that way. Somehow looking at Carrie's walls makes me depressed and hypocritical. Sigh.

Carrie stood up and looked at me with this weird grin. "Do me a favor?"

I nodded eagerly, my smile sinking as I read a postcard behind her saying, "When I was little I thought I was special. Now I don't know anymore."

She smiled even wider. She walked up to her closet (Which can be a mini store) and picked out this oversized red t-shirt and these big saggy jeans.

OK, not to be sexist or anything, but these look like they're for men. I mean, there's a girl oversized tee and there's a guy oversized tee. Somehow you can just tell.

"Wear this." She squealed gleefully. I smiled weakly and nodded, taking the clothes and heading off to the closet.

Just as I passed my way into her closet door, my eyes glanced just once one more time, on this black postcard, "I wish I never said yes."

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...o...kay...

You know, I don't know if friends really do make other friends crossdress to make other men that are hopefully not crossdressers either jealous. But that's exactly what Carrie was doing, and obviously she must be a real friend since she's so nice to me.

So here I was, in The Angry Girl Band concert, dressed up as a boy, with my hair tied up in a cap.

I can't believe I really DO look like a guy. I mean, I'm flat chested, I have big shoulders, and big legs. Not to mention big feet. And don't forget that I'm a walking giant.

So almost the whole time Carrie was clinging to my arm, and I was getting sort of freaked out. I mean, wouldn't you?

And then we bump into Jonesy or whatever, and he has this other chick that's really short and small, and although almost as flat-chested as me she had better hair than me, which was big and bouncy. She's a blondie.

For a while the two just glare at each other. And then out of the blue, Jonesy TACKLES me.

I mean,

what.

the.

You get it.

OMG, in front of the crowd. This guy is all on me on the ground and he's all screaming at me.

IN SPANISH.

So I was all like, "Huh? What?" and then he gets even louder. And you know what the bystanders were doing?

NOTHING. This guy was loud and the band was on break, but they were ignoring us. They don't even care I'm about to be crushed to death by this random possibly spanish tackler.

So I start screaming, "ASSAULT! THIS IS PHYSICAL ASSAULT!!! THIS IS HARASSMENT!"

And then this guy KNEES me in the GROIN!

Since I really have nothing in there, it didn't hurt as much as he had hoped (but i might not be able to walk for a while) but I acted like it was so painful and stuff my contacts start to slip out, and I start CRYING.

And I guess this guy has SOME sensibility because he stopped and he was all like, "Are you alright? You ok, man? I'm really sorry..." Stuff an elementary schooler says when he accidentally makes a girl trip and cry.

OMG. And his blonde girlfriend screams, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!" And she pulls off her hair!!! Or should I say...HE!!!

Can you BELIEVE this?? I'm not the only one who was forced to crossdress here! OMG! It turns out I'm not the only person who looks like the opposite gender, either! This dude looks like a dude with a female body!!!

And then the dude pulls off his shirt to reveal this push up bra (no wonder) and starts taking the tissues out. And then he yells, "You have serious issues, Jonesy!"

In public.

Seriously.

And no one CARED.

Oh my gosh. And then Jonesy gets off me, and walks up to Carrie with his arms spread out, and they hug. That's right.

HUG. And by this time the Angry Girl Band came back and were playing Crystal Clear Beers. And the two were hugging and swaying to the beat the whole time, until there came the drummer's solo. In which they romantically kissed.

And for once the people around us started to look and care, and were saying things like, "Awwwww." And then you know what? Out came fire works. And the two kissed harder than ever.

I am SO confused.

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Check that, confused and HAPPY. I have scored big-time. Carrie says that in return for bringing her and Jonesy back together (even though i don't know what i did) she would give me ALL of her postcards.

YAY!!! Now I can have a depressing room that is still colorful!

Carrie says that she's planning on remaking her room into this romantic detective sort of theme, with black and white and ugly brown as the main colors. She says she'll replace her colorful futon with this black waterbed. Because, quote quote, "Water is mysterious. Black is mysterious. I win."

Instead of spraying Febreze and ketchup on it she's planning on covering it with fresh red Roses from her garden. She also says that she won't put them in, one of the forty two butlers of hers will. They are all handsome, so I see why she wanted to do that.

She also says that other than post cards, she wants to give me a makeover. It's today.

She also says that a new name equals a new life. So by tomorrow, I am no longer Popina. Tomorrow, I will be...

Well, I have all day to think about it.