Confessions of an Innocent Bystander Part 3

I have decided.

I know what I'm going to call myself. My new name, I mean.

It will be Allison-Eclair Ma-Desine D'Aubigne!

"...no. Just, no." Carrie says when I tell her. She's probably PMS-ing.

My makeover is scheduled in half an hour, and Carrie is trying to make me as ugly as ever. She says the more work you need, the more work they'll do to you. And for the same price!

So far, Carrie has rubbed a balloon across my head, to make it static-y. She also dumped a load of paint on my head. For coloring reasons. I want to turn blond.

I'm wearing a stained shirt with a duck on it. The shirt is way too small, and the pants are the opposite. We're doing this at her house. My mom doesn't like Carrie.

She suspects that I can never have a real straight friend and that Carrie is some lez along with me. She actually stays in my room when I have her around, which is creepy, having her stare at us like that without saying anything, sitting there...

"Care-Bear!" Carrie's uber-cool mom calls. "Time to go!"

She knocks and waits until Carrie says, "Come in!".

I wish she was my mom. Carrie's mom is named Katie, and she has short auburn hair that stops just below her chin. She's tall and is a bit of a supermodel. She has the perfect hour-glass figure and her skin is olive and smooth. She's so cool. She's wearing a purple cami and a leather khaki jacket. She has a matching pencil skirt and purple pumps.

Carrie stands up from her black and white and brown and rose-covered bed. Her hair is a darker shade of red, and her hair goes down to her shoulders and is long and thick and wavy. No freckles. She's the perfect height, and is a Katie mini-me. She's wearing a red tank and skinny jeans.

My mom is a vision of me thirty years from now. Long brown greasy hair, too skinny for her worth, over-sized feet, ears, and lips, and is almost as flat as me. She has two little bumps. She can't possibly be even an A Cup. She has a cat named Dog.

I look exactly the same but with glasses. I'm starting to love Carrie more and more. In the friendship sense, I mean. Not to disappoint my mom. I smile.

"Does your mother know you're going to legally change your name?" Katie ass with a concerned look as we walk into her bright red Lamborghini.

"Yeah..." I mumble, remembering the flashback.



"Hey mom. I'm going to change my name." I say, dropping my backpack into the floor.

"Into what, hon?"

"Allison-Eclair Ma-Desine D'aubigne!"

My mom collapses onto the floor, crying. Crying with laughter. She laughs so hard she doesn't hear me say, "...kay. Thanks." And walking away with the last blueberry muffin.



END FLASHBACK!

"Oh, good. And what are you going to call yourself?"

I fidget before answering proudly, "Allsion-Eclair Ma-Desine D'aubigne!"

I see the only flaw Katie has ever produced. She spits, trying to suppress her laughter. Her poodle, Baby, moans at the sight of me.

She regains her composture, coughing, saying, "Well, hon...that's kind of long..."

"Toooold yoooouuuu." Carrie whispers to me.

I ignore her the best I can. I must stay strong. For the name of...for the name of...well I can't really say love but STILL. For the name of SOMETHING. For the name of dignity!

"I eat Eclairs when I'm sad." Carrie blurts out. I turn to look at her so hard I get whiplash.

"Eclairs is a type of snack." Katie informs me. "I'm allergic to one of the ingredients in them. My face gets swollen so much it creates blisters, and sometimes the blisters get so bad I start bleeding from my face."

I make a sort of 'O_o' look. Weird.

"How about something shorter? It's best to keep your last name, though. To keep your family sacred. What is it?"

I swallow and look out the window. I see a bird dump on a jogger while flying. "Yaghtursufenshian."

Katie blinks. I can already see her WTH expression slowly creeping onto her face.

It's actually a lie. My last name is not Yaghhablahblahblah. It's actually something much, much worse. No offense, I mean. To the Yaghtursuwhattablahs.

"Yagh...too...soo...fen...shen?" Carrie tries sounding out. I nod, not even sure if 'Yaghtoosoofenshen' was what I had just said.

"Well, Ms. Yogosofenshin, I can see why you wanted to change." Katie says. I nod furtively.

"It's not Yogosofenshen, mom! You're so rude!" Carrie huffs. "It's Yaujturffensho!"

The rest of the ride was spent of them arguing over my pseudo last name.

We finally arrived.

Okay guys, I know, short, boring chapter. I know this chaptersucks, m'kay? But I'm busy now...